The ACTUAL Way to Make Chocolate Milk

Help the wife and I settle this...

Let’s pain the picture here…

Well, the missus and I have been married for five years now, and let me tell you, we've built quite the little empire - we've got a kid, a house, a shared bank account, and even a car. But can you believe it? After all these years, we still haven't had the chocolate milk talk. I mean, if there's one thing you gotta discuss in the first week of dating, it's how to properly mix up a batch of chocolate milk. No matter if you're just casually hookin' up or getting serious, you gotta make sure your partner isn't some kind of strange creature that's gonna mess up your whole social circle. Trust me, it's a recipe for disaster.

The wife believes the following steps are appropriate to making chocolate milk with Hershey’s Chocolate syrup.

1. Grab a regular sized cup

2. Pour in milk

3. Pour in chocolate syrup

4. Stir

5. Drink

See how boring and bland that is. To believe there are some of you out there thinking that is all there is to it.

The more civilized group of us, understand the Amortentia has the following ingredients.

1. Get the largest cup in the pantry or even storage. Preferably one that is used for root beer floats or large beers. Yes, the boot!

2. Pour in the chocolate syrup 1/5 or ¼ of the way up the cup. Let me be clear. Measure the full height of the cup and go to the half way mark. Then mark half way down from that point. Fill the syrup to that quarter of the cup or if its your first time, break down the cup in 5ths and only fill to 1/5 of the cup.

3. Smell appropriately. No real reason for this other than to show your supervisor and CEO of the house that you have systems and process in place to ensure quality.

   

4. Pour in milk to nearly the top of the cup. Make sure there is room to stir with minimal spill. But keep in mind the spill is NEEDED. You must make sure they know this is a dangerous operation and should only be done by a professional…YOU.

5. You need 2 spoons. The first is a large serving spoon for the initial stir. The second is a smaller spoon to get the small chocolate from the bottom corners of the cup after you drink half the milk. It may take a little extra effort since the chocolate will at the. bottom but well worth the brief break before you purposefully drown yourself in the Choc Milk.

   

6. Stir until you smell the chocolate coming from the milk.

7. Drink until you choke and then keep drinking. If you MUST stop, remember to use the smaller spoon to stir the remaining chocolate. OR…now just hear me out…OR you can finish the milk and pour in more to use the remaining chocolate.

Once you get tot step 7, your family should be around you cheering you on. Similar to the champion brownies you made but screaming “chug, chug, chug”.

My problem is that when I’m trying to educate out child the appropriate way, my way, she corrects me. This is a HUGE problem in our house. So my recommendation to you, have this conversation on the first date to weed out those that just don’t get it.

P.S. My wife claims no one else does this. How do you feel?