Keep the Gender & Name to Yourselves
Keep the Gender & Name to Yourselves
Family make it a competition of who knows first
If you aren’t a big reader like me… Don’t share the gender, name, due date, if possible the pregnancy. If they ask why you didn’t share, say you didn’t want anyone to feel left out or like they weren’t important because you didn’t share with them first.
On to story time…
When the wife and I mentioned we were having our first child we kept it a secret for about 20 minutes. And that was because we didn’t know who to call first. Then we thought do we mass text? I’ll write a separate post about how much is despise group messages, iMessage or not. So then we gathered a list of who we should call. Actually for the sake of me not remembering who was first…
Never mind!
What was supposed to be a GREAT moment of celebration with family and friends, became a competition of who knew/knows what first. We weren’t even at the 12-week mark sharing this and from what I heard from several online forums that’s a no-no. And by “what I heard from online forums” I mean my wife told me after speaking to other Moms and being in online groups. Same thing!
Anyways… Since I don’t want any problems with the in-laws, lets focus on my side of the family.
While everyone was excited that the wildest, outside the box, daredevil was having a child with no “career” longer than 2 years, it was frustrating to hear “was I the first you told” at the end of the call. I answered YES every time too. Who am I steal them of that joy? My aunt that I haven’t spoken to since my wedding over a year ago that wasn’t invited, ABSOLUTELY I told you first. Now that you are aware I can confidently call my Mom after you.
We only told a handful of people. Literally 5, and I seriously don’t remember in what order. I do remember telling my mother with the expectation of telling my dad but I made clear not to tell anyone else. Lesson LEARNED my mother may as well hacked the presidential twitter account and blasted the news there. Some called or text me, but what really got to me was people telling me my mother told them. They then asked why they had to find out from her. How about we guess my response…
Did I,
A. tell them they shouldn’t know in the first place.
B. new phone, who this?
C. I was just about to call you
Ding, ding, ding… if you guess C, you’d be right. But I was thinking A.
I had to ask my mother. WHY? Well not quiet that tone but firm enough she would sense my frustration and gentle enough she didn’t go upside my head through the phone for being disrespectful. My mother said she was too excited and couldn’t help but share the news.
Which is why as this email is going out, we are expecting baby number 2 in May and she last to know. She won’t know name or gender until after the birth as well.
The person you think can keep a secret never can! It will be shared. The question is, will it get back to YOU?
My family then made it a competition about the name and the gender of the baby. Questioning if we already told the in-laws and making it more their news to share than about the wife and I starting a family.
So for kid number 2, those that have seen us lately know but have no idea the gender or the name. Me being the man of the house, when people ask, I look to my wife and she says “we aren’t sharing please don’t ask again”. So I just look at them to let them know she speaks for us both.
We learned our lesson. We still get people that ask and try to trick us into giving them the name and gender. BUT our solution is avoidance. Change the topic, don’t respond, or if possible fake a bathroom visit. Always works for me.
By the time you’re done guesstimating the number of squares it takes to cover a football field, the topic should be changed. When you return, just say “Where did I leave off? Oh yeah, so we aren’t sure what vehicle is good for our X (1st, 2nd, or 3rd) child. What do you all think works best?”
Just remain stubborn in not telling anyone anything before you feel ready. If all else fails, say your other half doesn’t want to share it yet.