First Time Dad Survival Guide
Stay Sane During the Madness
It’s actually not even that bad… or is it!
If you don’t want to read any further than this next statement, you’ll be covered. Ask a friend how they handled their first kid, judge them harshly to your partner to hear what she says (don’t worry about looking stupid), take that feedback and talk out how you two will handle it if you were in those situations. Everything else is manageable since we are all WINGING IT!
For the rest of us, now that the TLDR group is gone…
Discuss CLEAR responsibilities before the kid is born
Change EVERY diaper possible
Keep the stroller near the door
Don’t treat milestones as dogma
Compliment your partner
Own the middle of the night wake ups
Bonus: Keep snacks in the bed room for your partner and water/gatorade for you
Discuss CLEAR responsibilities before the kid is born
The wife mentioned her Big from some secret college cult had several responsibilities split between her and her husband. The wife and I spent the next few months up to delivery day, discussing different scenarios, hypotheticals, and situations we heard from others around us during the 0-11 month phase. Helpful, because some of the situations we were prepared for. Like who pushes the stroller, or snaps her into the car seat vs closing up the house. I handle the dishes and cleaning up most of the house before work and before we sleep. The wife handles the logistics of the daycare, or finding a house cleaner because I was just shuffling things around and not really cleaning. But seriously, discussing whether you agree sound machines are useless, the laundry routine, how many/when people should be coming to see the baby after you return home.
We even agreed no one could take photos/videos when they came for the first few months. Sounds silly but we were forcing people to be present rather than consumed with capturing a photo or video. Frustrated many but we both understood the content was for social more than it was for memories. NOT HAVING IT!
Other situations we weren’t so prepared for. Allergies, and structuring the closet or fridge on what foods the baby was allergic too. Our pediatrician mentioned that some allergies are temporary so while it may be something during the first few months, it could go away as the baby gets older. Here I was just feeding her whatever was in the fridge/cabinet instead realizing the items in a certain area were not to be fed to her.
I’m truly glad we agreed on the input/output.
Change EVERY diaper possible
The wife handles input aka feeding and I handle output which is diapers or post eating cleanup. This is one of the more positive situations we were able to plan out and discuss 4-5 months before the little one was born.
The wife and I have agreed to me handling all “output”. So I got the sh*t end of that deal… huh, huh…get it!
Anyways, you as the father, this period from 0 - 2 to 3 months is where you will feel the most worthless if you all are breast feeding exclusively. Why…because the baby has no use for you at this point. What I have found is that the best way to connect with your kid is to change their diaper. Now wear a hazmat suit because boy or girl, the baby won’t be happy causing a lot of UFOs coming from different places. We still have a few couch and carpet stains. Either way this is the bonding time you get as a father if you aren’t going the formula route.
Part 2 to this is use a closed lid trash container and take out the trash multiple times a day. You’ll be thankful you do this after the one time you forget.
Keep the stroller near the door
This will be a life saver for you all. Just accept you’re nose deaf at this point. The place stinks.
Going outside for fresh-air helps you and gives the wife a decent break. Certainly bring a cover to hide some of the sunlight from your babies face but not completely. The younger they are, you want to introduce them to the sunlight more and more over time. But as you go on your walk, open a window or two, let the place air out and then close up when you get back. It will feel great to be out on your first walks with the little one and you don’t have cabin fever.
Don’t treat milestones as dogma
It’s okay, you’ll survive if your child doesn’t smile, clap, lift/turn their head, or talk on the month the milestones are laid out for. While you should use it as a guide to work with your little one on where they should be developing long-term. DON’T think you have to match these milestones month to month. You can have a month or 2 delay and I assure you you will be happier and more present as the little one learns.
Compliment Your Partner
Simple one here… tell her you love her and you like SPECIFIC things about her. Is it her body, her hair, her legs, … You don’t have to do this daily but do it frequently to let her know you are still into her.
Own the middle of the night wake ups
This can be a bit of a challenge. The little one will wake up several times throughout the night and it shrinks as they grow old. Our little one used to wake up several times a night screaming and we had to feed her. That then went to 2-3 times a night and we would give her a bottle so the wife could rest. Now we just got to once a night and we just hand her back the pacifier after 3 nights of her screaming herself to sleep because we wouldn’t give her a bottle.
It was hard talking through how we would have the little one cry it out. The wife and I disagreed some nights because the only way to get her to sleep is to feed her.
Either way, your job is to grab the baby every time at night the little one wakes up. That’s whether you bring the baby to your partner to breast feed or you are giving her a bottle or formula. This is the extra kudos that makes you husband of the year.
So long as you remember, it’s not about actually being a good husband or father. It’s all about the kudos you get for what you’ve done. When she tells her friends and family how much you help, all you want is…
I guess it’s about being a good husband and father as well but the goal to simplify her life so she can focus on her recovery.
All of the items on this survival guide will eventually make your partner’s & your life easier. Make sure to remember… I’M WINGING IT TOO!
He's truly husband-of-the year material :)