Balancing Several Me's

the Ambition, Fatherhood, Marriage & Job

TLDR: The aim is to be my most authentic self. Love my family, but progress, development of new skills, and breaking my beliefs after gaining new knowledge are near priceless. My wife, and routine allow me that time to balance the many Me’s; husband, father, hustler/entrepreneur, CSPO, and student.

The Husband

"Happy wife, happy life" is a belief that suggests that a man's happiness is directly tied to the happiness of his wife. And I absolutely agree. PLUS, if the wife and I aren’t happy/good, then neither can our children. Let's be real, happy wife, happy household is more like it. It's a win-win situation! And as we all know, a happy household is like a well-oiled machine, everything runs smoothly. Trust me, the kids will be able to sense the unhappiness and it will affect them too. Yes, I’m a simp, or a sucker, whatever you want to call it. Diapers, trash, dishes, you name it. I look to action things before she even mentions it.

Yada, yada. Between you and I…

I’m really just trying to be the best husband compared to everyone we know. It’s mental, sure, but the small competitor in me loves it.

The Father

Being a first-time dad is a constant learning experience, like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded, you're figuring it out as you go.

Trying to balance communication with the wife, not laugh when the little one does the complete opposite of what I asked, or not crying with joy at watching her stumble her first steps and clap when the wife and I say “good job”.

The little one also has the nerve to pull on the blinds. That’s not really the issue. The issue is I say not to do it and she’s looking me square in the eyes smiling and still doing it. It’s priceless but at the same time, like WTF!

Anyways and now with a second child on the way, the responsibility hasn’t changed. The emphasis on controlling my time has increased from important to critical.

I'm still trying to figure out what being a father means, it's a work in progress. Finding that balance between fun/goofy and discipline dad is rough. But the one thing I do know comes with the Dad Manual v1.4 is that making a few dad jokes along the way is mandatory.

The Hustler/Entrepreneur

Balancing being a dad, a husband, a full-time job and an entrepreneur is like trying to balance a baby on your nose, it's tricky but not impossible. It's like a game of Jenga, you gotta remove some blocks (like sleep) and put them in other places (like work) without letting the whole thing (family life) come crashing down.

I'm determined to build a business so I can control my time and spend more of it with my family. This goes back to the happy wife, happy life. There are so many times I check in with her to make sure she doesn’t feel lonely, or if I missed anything she wants me to be apart of. By no means am I willing to sacrifice my family for a large business opportunity. I feel like we’ve sent hat personality way too much, with the guy always just wanting his family in the end. So why would I not learn from their mistakes? At the end of the day, family is my king, and I'll do whatever it takes to protect it. So I’ll hustle on little sleep and do the best I can during the day to be present. Also, thank GOODNESS for nap time. The work that gets done during nap time… beautiful!

Saying "no" to friends and family, on the other hand, is hard, but it's gotta be done. Especially when you're the "tech guy" in the group, everyone has an idea for a website or mobile app, and they all come to me with their grand plans. But, I’ve learned, that they usually never put in the work to move the needle forward.

The CSPO/Product Owner

Being a Certified Scrum Product Owner is like being a pilot, except instead of flying a plane, I'm flying a team of developers. And let's be real, I'm winging it most of the time. I mean, I've never worked in this industry before, but I've got my scrum certification, a love for building apps, and a willingness to learn. I'm like a kid in a candy store, except instead of candy, it's software development, and instead of a kid, it's a grown-ass adult. I used to be scared to venture out into places that were unfamiliar. As paths cross with other people, you then begin to learn we are ALL OUT HERE WINGING IT! Go ahead, admit it… this is a safe space…

You see, my previous job was in customer service, but I always had a passion for building apps. So, I started a company to build apps and it failed miserably, but I learned what scrum was and then YouTubed the rest, and here I am, the CSPO of an app building team. To this day, I’ll go on Youtube to search “how to run a retro”, or “scrum”. Again, can build apps all day, but learning about the role as a CSPO… never heard of it until 2020 and got the job in 2021.

With a new understanding of how we are all winging it, it made me more confident. Boy, did I have imposter syndrome. WOW! But now I'm making it up as I go, and it's working out just fine. So, who needs experience when you have a scrum certification and a never-say-die attitude, right?

The Student

Should I start with the cliche, I’m a student of the world, BS? No? Okay

Being a student of YouTube University is like being a sponge, absorbing all the knowledge and viewpoints that the internet has to offer. It's like going to a virtual school, except you don't have to wear pants, and the only homework is clicking the "subscribe" button. I like to think of myself as a bit of a YouTube scholar, always eager to learn something new, whether it's how to code, or how to make rice on the first date I was supposed to cook for my now wife. We’ll talk about that another time.

And let me tell you, my education has been far from ordinary. I may have been the 2nd to last student in my college graduating class, but with the help of YouTube, I've picked up communication skills, coding skills and more, that would make any Ivy League grad green with envy.

I’m really good at making rice, now. So who's the real winner here?

Also, it helped me go from dead startup to CSPO making enough money to fix my credit score, and keep the bills paid. Learning isn’t that difficult with the motivations of family.

The hard part is balancing the ambitious side of me with wanting to spend all the time with my family. Hard choices but I’m hoping at the end of it all, 80 year old me is glad we made the decisions we made. There was a Youtube video I saw not too long ago, where the entrepreneur that sold his company for multiple millions said the following:

(I’m paraphrasing)

We used to all think the sport/game was who had the most money. But now that the new wave of athletes(entrepreneurs) are coming in under us making more money, we all sit together and talk how things used to be and family. Now we all feel the REAL success is if you have a relationship with your grandkids.